July 2024
Issue 220

Why are people so cruel?

Being the victim of a verbal attack is one of the most painful troubles we can face. First you feel shock, then shame, then deep sadness. Sometimes the trauma can haunt you decades later.

Usually a mean remark just embarrasses you, but other times it cuts deep. Cruel people enjoy humiliating others.

In this month's feature article we're dealing primarily with verbal attacks. Quite frankly, I don't have the experience to talk about physical abuse. As always, you need to decide for yourself whether you should speak with a pastor or therapist about someone harassing you. It's a wise decision to take that route.

Our Christian faith is an asset in these situations, but sometimes it can give a bully the notion that we're weak or too polite to fight back. We can stand up for ourselves and still be true to our beliefs.

Let's explore why people are cruel and what we can do to defend ourselves.

True Protector

But they can. We know they can.

You need a strong defender
to face the world today.
People can be vicious
in the things they do and say.

We boast about the many ways
we can communicate.
But that has only multiplied
how bullies spread their hate.

Yet our defense is solid,
a strength that will not yield.
We call upon our Father
to raise his mighty shield.

It wards off flaming missiles
of ridicule and scorn.
It gives a sure protection
for those who are reborn.

We shelter from the onslaught
of enemies who harm.
God's shield is strong and steady
upon His faithful arm.

His other arm enfolds us
in tender love and care.
He is our true Protector:
The Answer to our prayer.

~ Jack Zavada, www.inspiration-for-singles.com, 2024 ~

"It's exhausting trying to please everyone."

And yet, we're still caught off-guard when someone finds fault with us. Immediately we revert to that scared, unsure little child we were in grade school.

We all mature at different speeds. I was well into my forties before I felt confident and relaxed. No matter where you are on the maturity ladder, Hope for Hurting Singles can help. I was 66 years old when I wrote it, and I packed in every positive life-lesson I could.

Not only will you identify with the problems covered in this book, but you'll appreciate the down-to-earth solutions to them. You'll read about my mistakes—so you won't have to repeat them. You'll learn what works and what doesn't, saving you years of painful trial and error.

Hope for Hurting Singles is not my autobiography. Instead, it's a user's manual for the single life, a step-by-step plan to deal with the issues that throw you.

Hope for Hurting Singles is written from a Christian perspective because in the end, it's God who is the answer to most of our challenges. His supernatural help makes all the difference between life at its best and constant struggle.

Hope for Hurting Singles is $10.99 in paperback and $3.99 for the Kindle version.

QOTM: Wise advice from…?

Hurtful words, once spoken, can never be taken back, even if you apologize later. If you hate to apologize, watch your mouth so you don't have anything to apologize for.

Here's a news flash: When a Christian insults another person, he or she is also insulting God. God expects better from us, and he should. Believers have a responsibility not to bring disgrace upon our Faith. If there's anyone who should be kind, it's followers of Jesus Christ.

There's no merit in putting someone down. There is, however, a blessing in building someone up. Choose your words carefully. You represent Jesus.

Plea to singles: Stop the replay!

You and I do the same thing in our minds, replaying emotional episodes over and over. Unfortunately, we singles tend to review our own little personal disasters, and they come with a heaping helping of shame and remorse each time.

Unless we use this repetition to correct bad behavior, it's an agonizing act of self-torture. Even worse, it's not unusual for people to dredge up their past decades later. We all need to stop. But how?

As a guy who was guilty of this for much of his life, I finally realized the harm in it and started to do something about it. I can't claim I'm totally cured, but I'm much more forgiving of myself now.

Here are some lessons I learned on how to stop the replay.

Really, is it anyone's business?

I'm sure you're familiar with the routine. I think some of those people enjoyed watching me get exasperated. Once I figured that out (It took me a little time), I quit giving them the satisfaction.

When I managed to be polite, my answers were usually, "When I find the right person," or "It's not easy finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with."

Whether they were rude or even thicker than me, those people kept asking. As I got into my 40s and 50s, the interrogations stopped. I guess they gave up on me.

I empathize with you single women. You have it much harder than we men. It's changing, thank God, but usually the man asks the woman out. And we men don't have a biological clock ticking, if that's still a thing.

Regardless, this kind of question is one of those cultural aggravations you just have to put up with, unless you are stranded on a desert island. That doesn't make it any less stinky.

I don't have any wise advice on this problem except to say, don't let them get under your skin. Busybodies gotta keep busy.

Who are you going to believe?

If you are a Christian, the only opinion that matters about you is Jesus's. He has elevated your status to be his sibling, a joint-heir with him in the Kingdom of God. That's divine royalty, single friend. It doesn't get any better than that. Our detractors are visible and loud. God is invisible and silent but is actually more real.

It's time we recognize Jesus as the Ultimate Authority, the Final Judge over our worth. His death on the cross proved it. We need to accept it and live it.

Never forget: Your soul has "Jesus-Approved" stamped on it. That lasts for eternity.

That wraps up the July newsletter. I hope some part of it spoke to your need. Please drop me an email using our secure contact form. It will be answered by me, not some smart-alecky AI bot.

Enjoy your summer fellow singleton, and remember: God loves you.

PS: Not a Christian yet? Find out how to become a Christian.