Overcoming loneliness the way Jesus did

Overcoming loneliness feels like an impossible task.

In the past, loneliness has been so crushing you believed you just had to put up with it until it went away. This "learned helplessness" comes from many unsuccessful tries in the past to beat back this feeling.

Here's the truth: Most lonely people do not have the advantages Christians have. Instead of turning to God for help, they fight the situation with drugs, alcohol, shopping, food, or casual sex. Every one of those solutions leads to worse problems.

First, let's try to take the scariness out of loneliness, and second, let's look at the strategy Jesus himself used against this problem.

Overcoming loneliness with friends

Young people love to hang out (or just hang) with their friends. Family can help in overcoming loneliness too.

Some of us singles tend to isolate ourselves. It's a lot easier to stay home than it is to make the effort to go out. And too, you have to be careful where you go. The bar scene is a source of trouble.

Being single means spending time alone; there's just no getting around it. People who don't like themselves find me-time the most stressful. I think secretly, most of us have a problem with exaggerating our flaws and beating ourselves up. When you're alone, destructive thoughts have a way of snowballing—getting bigger and bigger.

Reaching out on social media can make the problem worse. People can be cruel, especially online. Cyber bullying isn't limited to junior high kids.

One of the astonishing truths about Christianity is that we get our self-esteem from the love of Christ. God doesn't just say, "You're okay." He says, "Don't listen to the world. My opinion is the one that matters, and I find you lovable."

In your alone time, when friends aren't around or you're not on the phone with them, remember how God cares about you:

"Some friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24, ERV)

God is that friend. Practice his presence. Know that he's real. Lean on him for comfort.

Surprise! Here it is again

Odd things can trigger loneliness. It might be the memory of a past love or having something good to celebrate but no one to share it with. We singles also have a nasty habit of replaying past events, a form of self-torture if there ever was one.

When we take the time to analyze exactly what we were thinking or doing right before loneliness hit, we may find a pattern emerging. It's like the old joke: "Doc, it hurts when I do this." Doctor: "Well then, don't do that!"

Sure, loneliness can seem to pop in out of nowhere, but it's more likely the result of some specific trigger.

That raises the question, can we control our thoughts or not? Many singles are certain they're the defenseless victim of a runaway mind. They're convinced these invasive thoughts are too strong to resist.

As I've pointed out before, our minds have the ability to switch from one thought to another with blinding speed, but there's something they can't do: think two thoughts at the same time.

When you fill your mind with constructive thoughts, they will crowd out those intrusive, lonely feelings. Reading or an immersive television program can work, but the most effective countermeasure for Christians is reading the Bible.

Why does the Bible work so well in overcoming loneliness? Because sincere, careful study of Scripture is never a solitary pursuit. The Holy Spirit steps in, whether you can feel him or not. When you open your mind to him, he will give you striking insights into what you're reading. And, the Bible is not a book that can be read superficially. It demands your full attention.

Rationally, every Christian knows they are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, but we can't always feel his presence, especially when we're lonely. That's why the Bible is an effective countermeasure for overcoming loneliness. Its facts overrule our feelings.

What did Jesus do when Satan tempted him after 40 lonely days in the wilderness? Jesus quoted Scripture to him. It's that powerful, and if it worked for him, it will work for us.

Finally, the Bible is overflowing with examples of God's love, a healing salve for the lonely heart. God passionately wants intimacy with you, and that's a reassuring truth.

Loneliness: Product of The Fall

Did you notice something odd in Genesis after Adam and Eve disobeyed God?

They hid from him, and we've been hiding from him ever since.

Before sin came into the world, Adam had an intimate, face-to-face, conversational relationship with God. One of the consequences of The Fall is the alienation from God we call loneliness. Oh, secular people may blame it on a variety of causes, but it's really a fear that we're alone in the universe and can't do anything about it.

Satan amplifies that lie. He loves it when we feel hopeless. He wants us to look for relief in everything except God, and millions of people do. From celebrities and world leaders to homeless people and criminals, everyone is struggling to fill up that aching void within them.

The world will never tell you God can fill it. The world wants to sell you something or tells you to trust in a politician or a pill. Buy a fancy car or wear chic clothes. That will cure your emptiness, they say.

No, none of that will.

Overcoming loneliness is possible only when God lives inside you and you turn to him in your hurt.

That's what Jesus did when he felt lonely. What was true for him is true for you today. God wants to be the fulfillment in your life. Will you take him up on his offer?

Read our in-depth study on loneliness FREE

The entire first chapter of Hope for Hurting Singles, Jack's paperback book, is available to read FREE right here!

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Titled "Turn Your Loneliness Into Solitude," this detailed chapter is the result of Jack's 50 years of experience in the single life. You'll learn proven, time-tested strategies to deal with this common problem.