Overcoming moodiness is a difficult task for single people

Overcoming moodiness is one of the hardest challenges singles face, but we can succeed if we keep our goal in mind: a happy, self-confident life.

Some days it doesn't take much to set me off. Illness, lack of sleep or lousy weather can tempt me to snap at others or stomp around like a spoiled child. Then I remember a simple technique that helps me get hold of myself. I imagine how I'd look on TV.

Overcoming moodiness for others

Growing in maturity is something we do for ourselves, but also for others. When we see someone who has little control over their emotions, we walk on eggshells, so to speak. We have to be doubly careful to avoid anything that might set him or her off. In all honesty, we don't want people to feel that way about us.

A worthy goal for singles is to become a calm, stable person. Others should find us pleasant to be around, considerate and well-mannered. A stable personality is especially important at work.

Not that overcoming moodiness is easy. We have to monitor our thoughts and speech. We also have to constantly remind ourselves that our words and actions have consequences.

If we don't want to apologize to someone later, we need to keep from saying or doing something hurtful in the first place.

Single people's 'rights'?

It's easy to get weird ideas when you live alone. For example, we may think we're "entitled" to moodiness because we're single and our life isn't going the way we want.

Huh?

It sounds funny written out, but when this silly notion is inside our head, it may seem perfectly logical. Miserable people sometimes think they have the right to act miserable. You've heard the old saying that "Misery loves company." Maybe so, but it also pushes people away--in droves!

Lots of factors can contribute to our moodiness, like hormonal changes (true in both men and women), frustration, health problems, hunger, stress, and worry. But we don't have a "right" to take our troubles out on other folks. If they are the cause, a calm, honest discussion may help. I know. With some people that's impossible, but if they'll agree, it may be worth a try.

Overcoming moodiness with smarts

It takes real willpower not to vent when you're angry. We sometimes think people should be understanding of our moods because "that's just the way I am." On another page on this site I call that Life's Lamest Excuse.

The truth is that unless we're some kind of superstar with a fawning entourage, people don't have to put up with our grouchiness. We don't like it in others, so why should anyone like it in us?

Here are a few ways I've used over the years for overcoming moodiness:

• Recognize when you're in a bad mood. Moods can sneak up on you. Try to get some perspective on your emotions. Be objective about how you feel.

• Slow things down. It gives you time to edit your speech, removing any nastiness. Slowing the pace can neutralize stress. It also helps you catch mistakes because it gives you space to anticipate the reaction to your actions.

• Talk less. I'm not suggesting you clam up and pout. Rather, let any "witty" or sarcastic comebacks evaporate before they escape your lips. You can't regret insults you don't make.

• Get some alone time. It's not always possible to work alone or be alone, but if you throw yourself wholeheartedly into a task and give it your very best effort, it can take your mind off whatever is bothering you. An added benefit is the feeling of satisfaction for accomplishing something efficiently.

• Give yourself a break. If you're feeling stressed, don't be self-critical to add to it. Go easy on yourself. Treat yourself to something you like to do when the work day is over. Your mood will improve if you have something you enjoy to look forward to.

Why overcoming moodiness is crucial

Let's face it: Problems are never going to stop. Tension, illness, and other mood-triggers are never going away, so we need to learn how to deal with them in an effective way.

The key may be different for you than for me. But if we want others to see us as an attractive person instead of a spoiled brat, we have to get a handle on our moods. We will never achieve 100 percent control; that's for robots, not humans. But we can improve, and we can decrease the influence our bad moods have over our life.

Never forget that you do have the power of choice. Things may be happening in your life that may make you feel like a puppet, but your good sense is the scissors that can cut the strings. You want to be in control of yourself, not outside forces.

As you keep trying and get better at overcoming moodiness, you'll be rewarded not only with better relationships, but also with a happier, calmer life.

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